"Green-Eyed Monster"

My mom used to call me the "green-eyed monster" because I had a strong jealous streak in me. When it comes to art, that streak really comes out. How often do I say, "Gee, I wish I could do that." Well, after coming across Grant Gould's tutorial, I have something to work with in order to better myself.

But what shall I draw? I know: me!

It's a self portrait. I haven't done one in years, and it's easy to find a model (though less easy to get him to sit still). Anyway, I thought I'd try to capture the "green-eyed monster" within that has never really gone away (and I doubt ever will), for which I am oddly thankful. That little beast within has pushed me beyond my limits at times driving me to excell in ways I didn't know that I could.

It's a strange feeling when I produce a work of art. I'm never truly happy with the final product, and yet at the same time proud of the work that I have done. Often people tell me they like my work, but something deep inside me says "But it's not what I envisioned." I think that's why it's difficult for me to be happy with what the work "is." In my own mind's eye, I see what "could have been." Maybe I need to learn that "what could have been" isn't the same as "what is meant to be."

Hmmm... Perhaps that's something for me to meditate on during my vacation.