"The Mystery"

Its time to try something new: Haiku. Hey, that rhymes! I'm a little poet now. I've never done this before. How fun.

Darkness pours forth voice
into the knowing silence...
The divine depth speaks.

Basically, haiku has a total of 17 syllables. Five in the first and last lines, and seven in the middle. The basic idea as (I understand it) is to bring a tension in the first two lines, and then resolve it in the last.

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"Re-Centering My Self"

A poem I wrote from 23 April 2004

***************
I grow so weary of this quest
To find myself,
To find my center.

Breath in, breathe out.
Become aware of beating heart.
Calmness, stillness.
Silence. Peace.

But peace can be pushed to the breaking point
And many will seek to uncover where that is.
You rant and rave in my face in hate.
To become your enemy? Is that my fate?

Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breath out.
Breathe in, breathe…aw screw it.
“Kiss my ass you stupid moron!”

I turn my back and walk away,
You’re just too much idiot for me to deal with today.
As my frustration reigns,
For forgiveness I pray…

Because I’ve come to know the secret of my “self’
Just like you, I’m self-absorbed too.
We are one in our humanness.
I find my “self” in you.

Without you I can’t exist.
Without you I know no hope.
Without you I lose my identity…
but it is hard
To center my life
on one who calls me
“enemy.”

My-self, your-self,
No-self, more-self.
Nevermore for war and pain,
Where love abounds there’s life to gain.
***************

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Note to Self...

I need to remember to work with the idea...

The praxis of God, in which we are called to participate, works in and through providential gestalt.

Admittedly, while it's mostly my wording, the idea is not original to me. It comes from Peter Hodgson's God in History (1989). I found it referenced in James Fowler's Faithful Change: The Personal and the Public Challenges of Postmodern Life on page 193.

Since I tend to lose paper, this may help me to remember this later. Eventually, I'll need to pick Hodgson's book up.

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It's a MOVIE...DuH!

It's official: A review in Christianity Today has declared the movie Constantine to be biblically and theologically inaccurate in this review. There's a reason I don't put a lot of stock in this mag.

"But they'd have avoided embarrassing errors if they'd consulted with some Bible readers."

WhAt?!? I don't recall that being the point of the movie. Did I miss something? Did the writers put up a sign that said, "Come in here and learn about Christianity?" No. Because, that was never the point. It's crap like this that reminds me why Christians^(TM) often look like morons to the outside public.

It's a MOVIE! More than that it's a movie based on a COMIC BOOK! Get over it!...Or at least get some meds.

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Constantine

Megan and I went to see Constantine yesterday. I heard some pretty bad reviews ahead of time. The basic story comes from a DC comic, Hellblazer. Apparently, there were a number of incongruities. That might have had something to do with the negative reviews. (I wouldn't know for sure, since I have unfortunately not seen the comic series.)

Both of us were surprised at how much we liked it. I hear that Keanu Reeves did a terrible job, but I didn't see anything wrong with his performance (perhaps they were expecting something more like the comic?).

In a nutshell, it is a story about salvation. From what is he saved? Himself. What saves him? Love. It's quite a story. The graphics are pretty good. When it gets to DVD (and goes down in price), I think I might have to pick it up.

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Bummer..., yet Hooray!

Tonight the DVD viewing group for "Jesus and the Gospels" has decided that they want something less heady. So we'll be dropping that one. I've got a small list of possibilities. I'll have to do a bit of hunting though.

I admit that I'm a bit bummed about this. I like this series...a lot. But on the other, I am thrilled that they were willing to say, "This is not for us; what we need is something like...this." It's is what happens when people start to take responsibility for their own spiritual growth. That in itself is quite exciting. So, overall, I am happy with the development.

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Holding the Sun

I was looking through some of the pics on my computer and I think I should start posting some. Visuals often draw me into meditations on life in general. I'll share those as well.

This one is entitled "Holding the Sun," though I don't know its original source.



This speaks to me of human potential. It certainly puts "reaching for the stars" in a new perspective. When I think of what we have done as finite human beings... traveled the seas, flown without natural wings, traveled into space, landed on the moon...I have to wonder, what's next? Yes, there is so much we have yet to encounter. The universe is still mostly beyond our reach. So too the deepest and darkest parts of the oceans. And yet, quantum physics tells us that all reality is interconnected on deeper level. Although that which we long to reach is truly beyond us, in a sense we not only can touch it, but in a multi-dimensional way, we already do. I certainly don't claim to understand quantum physics. It is quite beyond me. But something in this picture resonates with me. Maybe the two are connected.

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"At Will"?

I've recently discovered that Illinois is an "At Will" state. In a nutshell, that means that any employer can fire any employee and not give any reason...any reason at all. Apparently, the only thing that a fired employee can do after being refused an explanation for the termination is to request (in writing) to see a copy of his or her personnel file. Then, hopefully, the person can get a sense of "why" based on what's in there. If the employer refuses to present the file, then the Department of Labor can be contacted and said Dept will tell the company to produce the file. After the file has been presented, they have fulfilled all of their obligations to the ex-employee.

That's insane! What idiot put that law into effect??? What is wrong with a business being expected to present a reason for employee termination?

Admittedly, I understand that most businesses do indeed present reasons for terminations even though they are not required by law. That makes me even more suspicious of those who do not. What are they trying to hide?

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The Fly on the Wall

I'm considering putting together a bi-monthly publication called The Fly on the Wall. The idea is to offer an alternative Christian voice in this area. Surely, it will draw a certain amount of ire from the religious authorities in this area...but such is life. Within its pages, I will offer a peek in between my ears as I offer my musings and reflections of a theological nature.

It will be in hardcopy form and placed in the Common Grounds BookCafe in LaSalle. The price should be good: free. I'll print it off, saddlestitch it, trim the outer edges, and drop it off. I'm considering putting it in blog form also, (it's as easy as copy/paste), but the hardcopy version is my primary concern.

The problem is that this kind of thing takes time. The involvent will include more than just writing it. I have the whole printing/binding aspect as well. Another issue: somebody already took "flyonthewall" as their url. (Grrr.)

I also admit to being a bit nervous as well. Stepping into the public eye like this is daunting.

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My Non-Existent Virtual Novel

A TCPC-friend read my blog here and encouraged me to write my blog-novel. After recovering from the fact that someone actually reads this stuff, I decided to start on it. So far it is entitled Free Agency and can be found here. You'll have to go there to read more.

Tonight was a good night at the Common Grounds BookCafe. We had our second viewing of the DVD series, "The Historical Jesus." It's a very diverse group with lots of questions. Trying to make sure that everyone gets a chance to speak is not easy. But, we've just started and one of our tasks will be how to work together as a mutually-respectful group. Lots of trial and error ahead of us here.

I've been watching the Duke-Virgina Tech game in the background. What a great finish. Breathtaking! Can't wait for March Madness.

I really feel like I'm behind in my work-load. We're getting ready to do the follow-up seminars for the Heart of Worship event. Yet, one more thing on my plate now. So much to do, so little time.

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A Happy Valentine's Day

Yesterday was great! I went to see Megan (unfortunately, it is quite the drive) and we spend a large portion of the day together. First, we hung out and talked a little while. Then we went into the city and checked out a local bookstore. I picked up The Wisdom of the Cloud of Unknowing (a tiny excerpt book) and What Does It Mean to Be a Man? by Thomas Hart. (Alas, but I forgot which book she got.) Then we went to a place called Thai Spice, where I had the Pad Thai and Thai Iced Tea. It was all very good. Oddly enough, we ordered exactly the same thing. Next, back to her place to watch Bubba Ho-Tep. Standard Bruce Campbell and quite funny. Then I came back home.

Too bad there's such a distance between us.

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Am I Just Dreaming Again?

How often do I get these creative urges that ultimately lead to nothing? Well, I think I caught the bug again. I've really been thinking about writing a sci-fi book. Actually, it is more of a series with an unknown number of volumes. The idea is to make them the short, quick adventurous reads which cause significant reflective thought. I figure each would be about 120-150 pages each.

Here's the unique thing. I'm considering putting it on a blog. Yes, I know, I already said that it was insane to do so. But I thought of some reasons to do so.

1. Immediate feedback.
2. The fun of blogging it might keep me writing on it when I'm tempted to quit.
3. I don't really think that I'll ever finish it anyway, since my history identifies high odds on this being but another dream.
4. If I were ever to sell it, I can always delete the blog. Simple as that.

Of course, the obvious problem is when I will get time to work on this. Which brings up the question, will it ever get off the ground? Only time will tell.

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How Fitting

Morpheus

It seems oddly fitting. Well, which Greek god are you?

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Oh, Horrid Day

This is the day that never ends. Admittedly, I got up late because I knew it was going to be a long night. But good grief! I didn't expect to keep working until 11pm.

I noticed recently that there is a "help" section that talks about blog-novels. What the hell is that? If you write a novel on a blog, doesn't that negate the possibility of selling it? In my mind, here is the problematic formula from a professional point of view:

"All the work + none of the income = bad idea."
That's my formula and I'm sticking to it. Hopefully, I misunderstand all of this. I'll have to check it out to know for sure.

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Some Call Him...Tim

A friend of mine is showing off his art work in Rockford. It's a bummer that I won't be able to be there on opening night. To everybody who reads this and is in that area: go see it! Here's the preview. Very cool stuff.

Also check out his blog and his website.

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Battlestar Galactica

I am officially addicted to the new Battlestar Galactica. They have done a tremendous job with this remake. By far, the best thing I've seen on TV in a long time. I even like it more than Andromeda.

The problem with shows like this is that suddenly I find myself inspired to write. Now I want to write a sci-fi novel. I've got a whole 10 lines of notes on a piece of scrap paper. It's a start. Unfortunatly, I don't know when I'll ever get time to do anything with it.

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Theology on Tap

Tonight, a group of young pastors gathered in Geneva to have "Theology on Tap." The restraunt we went to was the Claunaugh (sp?). Great fish and chips. The whole evening was a lot of fun.

So many topics. So many questions. The topic that was most interesting to me was on abusive religion. Unfortunately, we didn't spend much time on it.

I say unfortunately because that's something that I've been thinking about recently. The reality is that not all religion is healthy, and some is down-right diabolically abusive. It's a tough call to identify such religious approaches, but it is irresponsible not to actively do so.

Today, I went to the IVCC library to see if they had copies of textbooks there (and they didn't since it was against their policy to have them in the library...that's an upcoming rant). While scanning the shelf, I came across Mark Juergensmeyer's, Terror in the Mind of God. It looks like a phenomenal text. Basically, it explores the connection between religion and violence. Given my new interest in this area, it's a must have.

But a major question for me is "How am I to deal with the signs of abusive religion in this area as an official representative of the church?"

Sexism.
Racism.
Heterosexism.

The right of human inclusion is a "moral issue," despite what some say.
And more than that, it is a justice issue.

What to do? I haven't figured that out yet. Perhaps, in time.

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Ashes and Dust

I had planned on writing something about how I went to enroll in a "Comparative Religions" class at the Illinois Valley Community College. It was quite an experience. But it will have to wait. Since then, Ash Wednesday happened.

Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the season of Lent, which is a season of repentance. Ash Wednesday itself is a reminder of our morality. During the "Imposition of the Ashes" portion of the service, everyone lines up and ashes are used to trace the sign of the cross on the brow with the words, "Remember, you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

It's an intimate moment, the tracing of the ashes. There is the touch. There is the closeness. Some keep their eyes open. Some close them. For a moment in time, through both touch and gaze, I participate with them in their lifetimes of hopes and fears, regrets and dreams. I will never understand how that all works, but somehow, in that special moment, I share with them the meaning of their lives. As do they share in mine.

As a young ladd, myself, I am more apt to think in terms of young-adult issues and spirituality. I tend to think of such things as "what must I do to be a symbol of abundant life in this community." But being the pastoral figure in this congregation, which has been said to have an average age of 85, has taken me to new levels. Not only am I called to serve as a symbol of life and their divinization, but also a symbol of death and their morality. Their lives have made me see things differently.

"Remember, you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

That is what I said.
That is what was said to me.
I remember.
I remember the moment as I sit here with ashes on my brow.
I am mortal.
I am aware of my mortality.
And I am somehow more alive than I was three hours ago.

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Laughed Too Hard

A friend of mine (whom I will call Egomaniacal Meglomaniac, or EM for short) dropped in for a few days. One night, I reaquainted him with Landover Baptist Church. As I was reading Dating Tips for Christian Men, we laughed our asses off. It got so bad at one point that I couldn't even read anymore. So, I'm posting it here to share.

Tonight we had our first viewing/discussion of the DVD series, "Jesus and the Gospels." This one is pretty academic sounding, even more so than the "Historical Jesus" one we're doing at the Common Grounds BookCafe on Thursday evenings. It's one thing to be an academic presentation, but it is another to sound overly academic to the point of confusion. I hope it will get better over time.

Well, gotta get back to preping the bulletins for our Ash Wednesday service tomorrow eve. Oddly enough, it is my favorite Christian celebration.

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Back in Town

I went to see the parents this weekend. (Yes, I did see the SuperBowl, but since my team lost, I'm not commenting.) Just got back tonight. Ahh, the silence of a one-person appartment is so nice at times.

While I was checking out all the links to my interests, etc., I noticed that nobody has my favorite books listed. What's up with that?!? Those are great books. How can nobody list them under their favorites? Has the internet given birth to a general lack of taste? Alas, but some questions may have been meant to be beyond us.

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Landover Baptist Church

It had been a while since I've been to this site. Hillarious.

Landover Baptist Church.

So many laughs. So little time.

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DVD Discussion Group

I just got back from leading a DVD discussion group on The Historical Jesus. I was a bit worried going in that the people who were signed up weren't going to show. Fact is, they didn't. Instead, I ended up with a completely different group. It was a lot of fun. Great discussion.

This is often a difficult topic in general when dealing with Christians. Many (the more dogmatic type) find the quest for the historical Jesus threatening. Luckilly, this group had no problem with this. What a relief.

If others show up, though, I'll still have to be considerate of where they might be in their faith. Indeed, I suspect that those who originally signed up will arrive eventually. The question is "when?" And what will these party-crashers be like? I look forward to meeting them. We'll see what happens when they get here.

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A Meditation

I just came across this in Celtic Daily Prayer. Thought I'd share.

There are hermit souls that live withdrawn
in the peace of their self-content;
there are souls like stars that dwell apart,
in a fellowless firmament;
there are pioneer souls that blaze their paths
where highways never went;
but let me live by the side of the road
and try to be a friend.
~~Sam Walter Foss

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Truly Demented

A few months ago I came across this link on XianGoth.net. Since I've rediscovered it, I can't get it out of my head. If I must suffer, so must everyone else.

Let the insanity begin.

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My First Post

Ahh. Isn't it special. I'm doing my first post here on my own blogspot. Although, it's not like I don't have enough on-line journals.

Why am I doing this? A couple of reasons. First, I thought it would be nice for all of you who read this to be able to "coo" and "booglie-wooglie" at the newborn on-line presence. And second, a boneheaded friend of mine decided to start a blogspot, and to post on his I have to have one to. Oh, did I say bonehead? I meant Supreme Bonehead IV. (Yes, he deserves a title for this one.)

So, the question becomes: Whatever shall I do with yet another live journal? Well, as of yet the jury is out. On the bright side, I might find out that I really like this place. On the dark side, it's 11:45 and I should be in bed. Only time will tell.

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